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Our Wanker this Week is a young man named Ellis Drummond, from Rushden. This is why ... He wins this prestigious award not because at a recent hearing at Bedford magistrates' court he narrowly escaped an ASBO that banned him from wearing hoodies and trousers that expose his underwear. And not because he is a violent offender and habitual drug-user with convictions for assault, possession of class B drugs and a public order offence. And not because he was apparently able to show that such a ban would have infringed his 'ooman rights, and that he does not wear such clothing “in an intimidatory manner” as the prosecution claimed. And not because he ended up with a four-year ASBO that prohibits him from using threatening behaviour, begging, or entering the grounds of Bedford College, well-deserved though it probably was. No, we can rise above all that. We think he's a Wanker because he actually wants to look like that. He really and truly thinks that waddling about the town with his trousers round his knees makes him look cool. Defies the imagination, doesn't it? What the hell goes on in that tiny little ineffective brain? Does he suppose that his arse is so attractive that people on the street want to look at it? Does he really think it's a good career move for a young criminal to wear clothing that will fall round his ankles the moment he takes to his heels to escape rival thugs or the police? Is he not aware that a would-be murderer in America, Hector Quinones, was recently killed because his trousers fell down and he toppled off a fire-escape? Still, I suppose a young fella's got to have something to aspire to ... either on this site or on the World Wide Web. Copyright © 2010 The GOS |
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